November 2009
1 post
21. The Frasier Christmas episodes aren't worth...
July 2009
2 posts
20. Sleeping with your hand beneath the pillow...
Either: you don’t get to sleep -or- you wake up in pain. I didn’t say this was anything other than practical.
19. Admitting you're wrong is actually quite...
But don’t make it a habit, obviously.
June 2009
1 post
18. You will, sooner or later, get a hangover.
Though it’s the morning after the night before, and by rights you should be burying your head in a bucket of ice, but somehow… it’s all fine. You’re breathing. You’re smiling. Maybe today you’ll have no hangover.
Do not be fooled. Use the morning to assemble muffins, orange juice and fruit, engulf them all, retreat to bed and wait for your vengeful liver to...
May 2009
4 posts
17. Never bring your phone charger into work.
You will leave it there.
16. Do not refer to letters as numbers.
It will make you look illiterate.
“As we can see from number b here on your handout…”
(Submitted by Shona Ghosh)
15. Always look both ways before dropping the C...
If young families or elderly people are present you could cause serious linguistic collateral damage and get loads of evils.
(Submitted by Stephen Eddie)
April 2009
19 posts
14. Keep a penny jar and use it.
You might never take it to the bank and cash it, but it doubles up as a great burglar-defence weapon. What’s more, small change is rubbish. Stupid pennies.
13. Never play someone else's guitar without...
When you drop your friend’s 1969 Fender lecky after getting busted whilst slashing a G chord, know that your friendship is categorically dead. Imagine just deciding to grope your friend’s partner, just because you “feel like it.” It’s the same thing.
(Suggested by Jesse Whittock)
12. Don't litter.
Seriously, I know it’s mumsy to nag, but come on.
(Suggested by Jesse Whittock)
11. Never walk just a pace or two behind a...
…particularly if you are the only people on that stretch of the street, it’s creepy.
At best makes you seem desperate for human communication - at worst, you’re a mugger or rapist. Don’t be that guy.
(Suggested by Jesse Whittock)
10. Don't sleep with your head on two pillows.
No matter how comfortable it seems at first, you’ll always wake up with a really sore neck.
(Suggested by Shona Ghosh)
9. If you're going to buy a Sunday paper, read it.
It’ll only sit there on your kitchen table, staring at you for the rest of the week. Spend your Sunday reading - you won’t regret it.
8. "LOL" is online Tourette's. Don't write it.
You let it slip out, and everyone looks at you askance. Stop it.
(Suggested by Shona Ghosh)
7. There is no need for answerphone messages.
Unless you only have a landline, cut out answerphone messaging from your life. Why?
i) You could send a text. The message is read and understood quicker and easier.
ii) Leaving a message takes time, as does picking it up. On some contracts, it also costs money.
iii) If your message is too complicated for a text, email. No character limit, no problems.
iv) Voicemail greetings are just...
6. Always eat meat with a sharp knife.
It just tastes better.
5. Lie-ins when you're not sleeping, reading or...
In fact, lie-ins are a waste of time generally. That’s why you like them.
4. Take the stairs.
You’re better than elevators.
3. Electric toothbrushes will dribble all over...
… and then you’ll feel silly.
2. If you're in a bad mood, try...
i) eating.
ii) going to the loo.
iii) a glass of water.
iv) a cup of tea.
v) getting over yourself.
1. Never skimp on bin liners.
“Economy refuse sacks” are the devil’s rubbish containers.